I followed the president’s advice and injected disinfectant into my arm

I am not quite as thick-skinned as the American president. So, it was relatively easy to puncture my upper arm with the syringe needle. Injecting disinfectant, he said, will do the trick. He’s not a doctor you know but he is “tremendously intelligent” and “a very stable genius”.

He’s almost a doctor. His uncle was a “great super genius” from MIT. The president knows things. He has a natural ability. He really gets it. He understands things. He’s the president.

You know, if you hear something from high places or you hear it time and time again, it becomes quite truthy. The president is full of truthiness.

I’ve narrowed my treatment down to Mr Clean (Monsieur Propre). It’s the only disinfectant I’ve found in my medicine cabinet. Yesterday it was my cleaning cupboard. Now its my medicine cabinet. The virus has changed our lives so quickly.

I’ve always liked Mr Clean. He’s another lovely guy. Great teeth, a lovely smile and lily-white and clean.

Good for surfaces and the Corona virus. I am sure the president would approve.

Nice earring, too. Mr Clean, I mean, not the President.

I’m following the president’s advice. All of it. I’ve changed the lights in my bathroom. They are now super bright. More watts. A blast of light will also work, he said. I’m going for the two-pronged, double treatment. I’ll burn this virus with a very bright light and a good dose of trusty Mr Clean.

But which Mr Clean? I have quite a choice. My medicine cabinet is home to quite a collection of spring cleaning potions.

I have Mr Clean Clean Freak, Mr Clean Concentrated, Mr Clean Multi-Surfaces to name a few. In the end I choose Mr Clean Anti Bacterial Summer Citrus.

It sounds much more convincing than others. Clearly, it will kill the bacteria. I also like lemons and it’s almost summer. I think the president would agree with my choice. He’s no lemon. I wonder if he likes lemons. I’m sure he does. What’s good for the pesky toilet germs should kick arse against corona. And it smells good.

I am just going to quickly check the video again to make sure I’ve got everything covered.

 

 

Yep, all good. I’m ready. I turn the light on. It’s really bright. All those extra watts. I should have got my sunglasses. The syringe is full. The smell of sweet lemons fills the bathroom. Here goes…

Ouch, I hate needles. It stings. Go and do your stuff Mr Clean. I watch Monsieur Propre disappear into the vein in my arms.

I am waiting. The light is very bright. The smell of sweet lemons is a bit nauseating.

I check my watch. He said “it knocks it out in about a minute.”

If it doesn’t work I can always try bleach or maybe some isopropyl alcohol. That’s what the president said. I don’t have any at home. I wonder if they have it at the Migros. I try to get up, but my legs are not working.

I look at my watch. But I am having trouble focusing.

I feel a bit odd. I can’t really move. I’m really hot. I’m sweating. Is it the bright lights?  I know, I’ll have a clean bill of health soon. I’ll be great again…

Garry Littman

Garry Littman

Garry Littman est le fondateur de The Language House à Genève. The Language House propose des coachings d'anglais à Genève pour les particuliers et les entreprises, ainsi que des cours intensifs d'anglais dans les pays anglophones. Garry a été journaliste en Australie et en Asie, il a travaillé pour World Radio Switzerland.

6 réponses à “I followed the president’s advice and injected disinfectant into my arm

  1. Brilliant!
    US citizens are so lucky to have a so universal educated president. We only have Mr Berset. As fast as we can, as slow as we must. What a pity …
    Small country, ideasless authorities.
    I’m so happy to live in Switzerland.

  2. Hi Garry,
    i wont ask you if you are doing well, i read that you are quite clean, inside😂

    I don’t know if you took your new picture after your injection but you seem a little disturbing.

    All the best and drink wine

  3. Didn’t the little Pinocchio of La Casa Bianca mean that the needle should be planted, not in the arm or even the buttock, but inside the brain (e. g., through the ear) in order to ensure a clean brain wash?

  4. Trump’s idea is not all wrong, if you kill the patient you will also make the virus disappear because it cannot subsist without parasitising a living organism. Great, Mr. “President”! 🙂

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