I bought some bonds last week. Swiss bonds. They’re called Heidi bonds. You can’t get more Swiss than that. A solid investment? We’ll have to wait and see. Hopefully, I’ll see the result in the cinema next year when Mad Heidi, part-financed by my 25 bonds, makes its screen debut.
Mad Heidi is the first ever Swissploitation film. Alpine cinephiles have been patiently waiting their turn. After Blaxploitation, Mexploitation and Sexploitation, finally, we have Swissploitation.
The film synopsis is pretty simple: Heidi, bless her heart, has grown up and she is not the sweet, pig-tailed girl you might remember. And Switzerland is darker than the deepest recess in the Gotthard Tunnel. As the film website says:
In the near future the world is sinking into war and chaos, but Switzerland has sealed itself off as an island of the rich. An egocentric heir of a multi-billionaire cheese empire is ruling the country with an iron fist to maintain an artificial postcard-image of Switzerland. When Heidi is abducted by the brutal government troops, she must fight back against the cheese-fuelled machinery of hate. They will soon realize they just fucked with the wrong Heidi!
The film, which is in the first stages of production, mixes all the Swiss clichés with copious litres of blood. Yes, it’s a splatter film. Heidi is seriously mad and a highly capable Victorinox assassin. Cheesy and bloody would be the best way to describe the film teaser. It features magnificent Alpine mountain panoramas, stabbing-to-death by Toblerone, torture by fondue and the memorial line: I love the smell of cheese in the morning…
Yes. I did say cheesy. Did I also say extremely violent and in bad taste? Amusing? I hope so. I want my bonds to deliver dividends. Here’s the teaser.
Warning: Not to be watched while eating chocolate or enjoying a fondue or if you are allergic to blood and excessive over-the-top violence.
Mad Heidi: www.madheidi.com
Probably coming to your local cinema, if you buy some bonds… Director: Johannes Hartmann. Producer: Tero Kaukomaa. Producer: Valentin Greutert.