A letter to the FBI agents investigating Judge Brett Kavanaugh

Dear FBI agents investigating US Supreme Court nominee Judge Kavanaugh,

Before you start interviewing male and female schoolmates and acquaintances of Judge Kavanaugh, I suggest you go online and have a look at a dictionary called Urban Dictionary. The address is www.urbandictionary.com

This will help you to decode the slang used by Brett Kavanaugh, then aged 17, in his college yearbook entry. It is quite revealing and will give you a much better understanding of Mr Kavanaugh’s relationship with women and alcohol. Unfortunately, I must warn you that some of the terms are a little unsavoury.

These terms you will not find in the Oxford Dictionary. But you will find them in the Urban Dictionary which is a crowd-sourced dictionary for words and expressions, a great many of them slang. Its motto is “Define Your World.”

Let me explain how it works. The dictionary is open to everyone. People post words and their definitions and language devotees then vote on them according to their perceived accuracy and wit, with thumbs up (approval) and thumbs down (disapproval). The most approved definition ranks number one and is generally considered the most accurate. Each entry shows the date that the definition was posted and how many people approve or disapprove of its accuracy. There are often 30 definitions or more for a word or expression. In many cases the definitions are quite similar. The dictionary began in 1999.

Kavanaugh’s yearbook entry, as you know, lists his accomplishments written in his own hand. It is rich in slang.  Slang was developed by criminals and the working classes as a secret or coded language, incomprehensible to the police and authorities. I am sure you FBI agents have your own slang. Similarly, Kavanaugh’s yearbook slang was meant to be indecipherable to parents and teachers; in fact, all adults, including US senators and, of course, FBI agents.

So, let’s see if we can “define his world” based on his yearbook entries. I’ve picked just three words. I know you have only a week for your investigation. I don’t want to waste your time.

Word number 1: Boofing (verb):  In his year book he writes “Have you boofed yet?” When asked by an elderly senator during his nomination hearing, what boofing meant, Judge Kananaugh replied that it referred to flatulence (farting).  It seems he was asking his classmates if they had ever farted.

The Urban Dictionary has a different definition of boofing. The top-ranked definition posted in 2005 is as follows: The act of inserting drugs, into the anus for a longer effect.

Other definitions include thrusting your genitals into a woman’s face and anal sex. (I warned you the language is a bit unsavoury. My apologies.) But to the judge’s credit, one of 25 definitions does refer to boofing as emitting a smelly fart.

However, FBI agents should note that the most popular definition by far, is the one about putting drugs up your bottom. It has 829 approvals. The definition of farting is the twelfth most popular definition with just 12  approvals and 17 disapprovals.

Here’s the link: Boofing

 Term number 2: Devil’s Triangle (proper noun): Also mentioned in his yearbook entry. It’s the name of a drinking game the judge told the hearing. There are 30 definitions of the Devil’s Triangle in the Urban Dictionary. The most popular definition, and it’s very exact, was posted in 2008:

A threesome with 1 woman and 2 men. It is important to remember that straight men do not make eye contact while in the act. Doing so will question their sexuality.

Once again there are other definitions, such as to insert your penis into three different parts of a woman.

Here’s the link: Devil’s Triangle

Many new definitions have appeared since the judge’s hearing the other day, including the third most popular definition:

“A pretend drinking game made up on 9/27/18 by “Honorable” Brett Kavanaugh when faced with credible allegations of sexual assault put forward by no less than four (so far) women. Devils triangle is a threesome with two men and one woman, not a drinking game like Quarters, as Kavanope would like everyone to believe. Devils triangle can also be defined as a lie told under perjury when a belligerent white male feels cornered when confronted with his own disgusting behavior, most likely with the blessing of a patriarchal and misogynistic system.”

 Term number 3: FFFFFFFourth of July (expression): Another entry in his year book. Judge Kavanaugh shrugged this off during his hearing as the way one of his classmates would purposefully stammer the f-word – ie fffffffuck you! He indicated he and his friends found it quite witty and the expression caught on.

Lawyer Michael Avenatti, who is representing a Kavanaugh accuser who was at school with him at the same time, tweeted a different definition: “Brett Kavanaugh must also be asked about this entry in his yearbook: ‘FFFFFFFourth of July.’ We believe that this stands for: Find them, French them, Feel them, Finger them, F*ck them, Forget them…”

The Urban Dictionary’s top definition of FFFF (posted in 2005) is: “A one-night stand. Used a lot in the 80s. Find’ em. Feel ‘em. Fuck ‘m and Forget ‘em.”

Here is the link: FFFF

FFFFascinating, isn’t it? I hope this is of some help.

 

Yours sincerely

GL

 

 

 

 

 

Garry Littman

Garry Littman

Garry Littman est le fondateur de The Language House à Genève. The Language House propose des coachings d'anglais à Genève pour les particuliers et les entreprises, ainsi que des cours intensifs d'anglais dans les pays anglophones. Garry a été journaliste en Australie et en Asie, il a travaillé pour World Radio Switzerland.

2 réponses à “A letter to the FBI agents investigating Judge Brett Kavanaugh

  1. Thank you for this article. Very enlightening. Although I sure hope the FBI has learned to decode slang by now!!! You could also tweet link to Frank Bruni @NYT…

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